1-900- Score a Date  listen

The date was fine he thought so too
His last words said were, "I'll call you."
So you wait by the phone for days,
Forsaking all fragments of pride.
Men, you broke the bank, she had a ball
And now she won't return your call
Till finally her roommate explains the problem.
She can't call you back cause she's died.
(That's the fifth one this month!)
Hey, you don't have to live with that kind of humiliation anymore. Not
here. Not now.
Not with:

1-900-Score a Date the high-tech way to communicate
Give that night a touchtone rate with 1-900 Score a Date
Live rejection's so passé. Get dissed the fiber-optic way
All for just 3.98 It's 1-900-Score a Date

When you dial 1-900-Score a Date, a host of options are available to you.
All carefully crafted to help you avoid any kind of honest communication
with the person you just spent the last three hours talking to. You can
record your own message and leave it in your date's mailbox, or choose from
our wide variety of prerecorded messages, ranging in mood from guardedly
optimistic to epithetically malevolent.

To record your own message, press one To choose a prerecorded message, press
two.
You chose two, prerecorded message.
Here's your chance for you to pick if he's a prince or he's a jerk
Pick out the quip that's right for you from every type and kind.

Did your date rot? Then why not try our most humane choice,
Bald-faced lie. Make your selection at any time
Among these worn-out lines:

To stage your own disappearance via alien abduction, press 1
For, "I'm sorry, I'm gay," press
2
For, "I'm sorry, I'm straight,"
press 3
For rare contagious disease, press 4
To leave some New Age garbage, like
"I feel we really connected, but I'm just not in
a good space for a relationship right now, press 5
To report your date to the local FBI agency nearest you press 6

You chose "4" rare contagious disease. The following message will be left
in your date's mailbox

Hello! Date 5928 had a lovely time by date 5928 has recently been diagnosed
with Legionnaire's Disease. Please do not attempt to contact date 5928 as
he or she is expecting to have Legionnaire's disease for the next seven
years.

1-900-Score a Date the high-tech way to communicate
Give that night a touchtone rate with 1-900-Score a Date

Hi! I just returned from the most amazing date. Normally when I dial 1-900
Score a Date I choose the added feeling of comfort and protection I get when
choosing a pre-recorded message, but tonight was so different. Tonight, I'
m leaving a message all my own.

Please begin recording at the beep.

Hi Eric? This is Deirdre. Well, 5928. I'm just calling to let you know
what we both know. Tonight our souls connected. Tonight, I came to know a
part of you that you've never shown anyone and you came to know a part of me
that I've never shown anyone and I came to know a part of me I never knew
existed and there was so much knowing going on. Never have I felt so alive
and never have my loins felt such a fiery promise of things to come. Thank
goodness we don't have to pretend anymore, which is why I'm not afraid to
say Eric. I love you.

End of message. You have mail. You see? While I was recording a message
for him he was recording a message for me! Let's listen:
(Eric leaves his message)

1-900-Score a Date
The high tech way to seal your fate.
Dial now, no need to wait
It's 1-900-Score a Date.